Liz Benigno

a view from the porch

Scaredy Cat

liz benigno6 Comments

I am afraid.

I am afraid of wearing shorts.

I am afraid to stop and try a new place to eat by myself.

I am afraid of dancing in public.

I am afraid to try new things.

When did I discover I was just a scaredy cat? Sitting on the beach in San Clemente last July.  My husband and grown daughter we were visiting had stripped off their shorts and shirts and had made a mad dash down to the water~ the cold shriek-inducing water. They dove in and shrieked and laughed and splashed.  And dove some more. I sat safely on shore.  My soft, dimpled body safely wrapped in a caftan.  I told them I simply didn't want to.  And I didn't.  But, sitting there I asked myself why didn't I want to?  And then the truth began to tumble out.  I didn't want to because I was... scared.  Scared of being out of shape, scared of walking pale and freckly to the water's edge.  And then there was the shriek inducing water.  Sigh.  When did this happen?  

Fast forward to this July.  I now have three large scars on my 'getting rid of cancer body'.  And yet somehow I feel braver than I did last July.  This might sound hokey (or just plain weird) to you, but I believe God uses all things for good (Romans 8:28).  For me, in this season of my life, He is using 3 bold in your face scars to teach me about bravery.  He's teaching me to be brave in the small, unnoticed ways (like stopping at the food truck and figuring it out all by myself) and in the big, scary, everyone is noticing ways.  Both ways are scary and hard and easier to ignore.  Both ways will grow me.  Both types of bravery will make me bolder for Him the next time around.  As soon as my doctors let me I am going to the ocean's edge and diving in.  Shrieks and all! 

What is keeping you from diving in?  Comparison, fear of failure, being judged, peer pressure?  What's He trying to teach you?