Liz Benigno

a view from the porch

Disappointment

liz benigno1 Comment

Are there days when you feel like a disappointment? 

I let my boss down, I wasn't all that much fun the last time I went out with friends, and people are always surprised by my cranky non-spiritual attitude. Last year on the last day of chemo the nurses were all set to give me the big confetti send off when I said no thank you. I just wanted to quietly leave and never come back. They were disappointed. They asked me if I was sure. I was sure, but I felt badly letting them down. My friend Mark recently completed his chemo and there is a photo of him on Facebook celebrating the final treatment.  Mark, not letting people down, just made me feel all the more disappointing in the chemo send off department. 

 Disappointment implies expectations that fall short. People expect certain things from us and we inevitably fall short. It can make us feel lousy about ourselves and in turn make us feel low and sad and less than... 

And if and when we get there it gets dangerous. "You're just no good, or at least not good enough" is the whisper. 

Well, here's the best news: God isn't disappointed in us at all.  Why? Because He already knows what a hot mess we are! No expectations that have fallen short. I have never been able to fool Him into thinking I was anything more than I am. What a relief! I find this so freeing. Free to make mistakes, ask for forgiveness and move on. Free from a person's expectation that I be or do. And quite frankly I am certain Jesus could care less whether I had a confetti send off or not so why should I beat myself up over it? I need to concern myself with what matters to Him, and only Him and let everything else go.

“I have loved you with an everlasting love; therefore I have drawn you with lovingkindness.”    Jeremiah 31:3